Delayed Ejaculation

[restless_soul]

I just wanted to let others know that they are not alone in this...we are a loving, emotionally sound couple who are experiencing delayed ejaculation. My fiance has had this problem from early sexual activity (20 y/o age). We are open, honest, and extremely sexual with each other, however now that we are planning to be married and want a child, this issue has brought new meaning to us. In the beginning, I was okay with his manual stimulation to climax (masturbation) because it excited me. Along the way, from time to time, I would feel emotionally detached as if something I was doing could not make him orgasm during sexual intercourse but he assured me I was not the cause. I want to be the one to pleasure him and not himself. He has been able to arouse himself close to orgasm, pentrate for sexual intercourse, and then reach climax, but still, I ultimately know that it isn't ME bringing that pleasure. There are NO psychological or clinical causes (medicine, diseases), however we have narrowed it down to simple masturbation issues. He has "trained" his body to only climax from masturbation. Any suggestions on how to "untrain" his body? Do we have to withold sex altogether to accomplish this? We live in Greece so therpists are limited. Any ideas are welcome!
Thanks for listening,
T.H.

[manda81]

I am having the same problem with my boyfriend. He is 28 and has been divorced for about 6 months. I really didn't know to what extent his problem was until I moved in with him. He is the love of my life but I blame myself like I just wasn't doing it for him. His ex was very mean to him but he gave her the world. I don't know if his experiences with her has traumatized him or not. We are comfortable around each other and I know he loves me but I just don't know how to go about and ask him about his sex life before me. I don't even know if he has masturbated too much before I came along. I'm just glad there are other couples out there that are having the same problems. I never even heard of delayed ejaculation until I started looking for possible problems. I still blame myself sometimes and it really bothers my boyfriend. If someone could help me out I really appreciate it.

[richardbreatnach]

i think its great that he is able to wank in front of you.When i go to have kids i guess il do the same but as it stands i never wank in front of my girlfriend even though i never ejaculate either.I sort of feel embarassed by wanking in front of my girlfriend.I wish i didnt though.Best of luck.

[HappierNaked]

I am not medically trained but I know that I masturbated very frequently during my premarital years and unfortunately my first wife didn't care for sex much, so I masturbated a great deal during marriage which lasted 35 years. I used pornography to enhance my masturbation sessions and never had problems achieving climax.

I am now 58 years old, but have had type II diabetes since 1994, which has caused nerve damage in many parts of my body including my penis. I can say from practical experience that vaginal sex has become unsatisfying with my new wife for 2 reasons. Number one, she had a hysterectomy before we were married which caused her vagina to be looser than it was before. Second, the lack of friction, compounds the desensitization caused by my neuropathy. Accordingly, oral sex has been our main form of enjoyment and orgasm since she doesn't care for anal sex and is not willing to learn how.

You didn't provide a couple of pieces of information. First, have you tried anal sex? Since the anus would be much tighter, he should have no difficulty achieving orgasm. If you want to get impregnated, you could try having your partner, while wearing a condom, enter your anus and at the moment of climax, remove the condom and enter your vagina to ejaculate. If you are using the "doggie style" position, this should be a very quick transition. Also, I think this will provide the
"intimacy" and participation in your partner's orgasm that you desire, while offering an opportunity to get pregnant.

Second, you didn't say if you used pornographic videos in your lovemaking. Perhaps the added mental stimulation would help during vaginal sex.

As I said, I only know from practical experience. I hope my comments provided you with some "food for thought" Good Luck!