Erectile Dysfunction

[livingwith]

Hi,
My lover and I have had most beautiful sex and love ever since we met. Now 9 years later, she’s not so much interested in making love with me. She “Doesn’t think it would be a good idea.”
Now, I realize, after reading about ED, depression etc. That I have not been satisfying her for some time. Now I feel I’m about to lose her. I know that I’m depressed and I’m struggling to get it under control. I’m trying to remain positive about the whole th...Read the full article

[Suzie-Q]

I hope you read this; it just may help. I am a female answering your problem, which sounds a bit like myself and my husband. It may well be that there is nothing wrong with your lovemaking, but possibly you are taking her for granted and not making the same effort you would if you were courting a new woman. Things such as: Not showering regularly, not wearing deodourant, remaining in old/dirty/smelly gardening or work clothes when the gardening/work is finished, burping/farting/swearing/eating slovenly and not saying "excuse me" or "pardon", or worse still making a comment like "You're my wife, there's no need to."

My husband has suffered from major clinical depression for nearly 10 years. It has improved a lot over the last couple of years, but now he has really got stuck into alcohol in a big way (red wine mainly) and drinks heavily every single night, as well as smoking incessently. I also used to drink a lot (way too much for a female) but gave it up over 2 years ago because I saw what it was doing to me as a person. This has left me with a very clear mind and unfortunately I can see what the alcohol is doing to my husband; but he refuses to acknowledge that it is poisoning our relationship. Unfortunately he believes he needs the alcohol to exist day to day - I have told him that in fact it only makes things worse as it solves nothing and causes distress more often than not. Maybe that is also your problem too. If it is, be warned that alcohol in excess CHANGES A PERSON AND THEIR PERSONALITY - they are just not the same person any more.

My husband DOES have an ED problem and simply can't get an erection, or keep any sort of one if he is lucky enough to start to get one. Fortunately I can accept this problem as we are both getting older and there is much more to life than just sex (particularly at our age), but he can't accept that.

[PANDA9000]

YOUR POST WAS VERY INSIGHTFUL. HOWEVER, I DOUBT THAT YOU HAVE CONSIDERED THE FACT THAT
SOME MEN VIEW THEIR SEXUAL CAPABILITY AS PART OF THEIR IDENTITY. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH WHAT WOMAN THEY ARE WITH....OR IF THERE EVEN IS ONE. SOME MEN FEEL THAT IF THEY CANNOT PERFORM......THEY ARE NEUTERED.....AND THEIR VALUE OF THEMSELVES DROPS VERY LOW.
YOUR OPINION DOES NOT COUNT....WHAT MATTERS IS HIS OPINION OF HIMSELF.

LONG-TERM DEPRESSION WHEN COMBINED WITH HEAVEY DAILY DRINKING IS A DEADLY PROBLEM.
YET NOT UNCOMMON...HE WANTS TO BLOCK OUT THE REALITY OF HIS LIFE. IF HE HAS NOT
CONSIDERED IT YET.....SUICIDE WILL BECOME MORE OF A WAY TO OBTAIN RELIEF. I SUFFERED FROM
HEAVY DEPRESSION FOR 30 YEARS AND HEAVY DRINKING OFF AND ON. I STOPPED DRINKING, BUT STILL
HAVE THE DEPRESSION.....SO MY STATEMENTS COME FROM YEARS OF STUDY AND EXPERIENCE.

THIS MUST BE VERY TOUCH ON YOU.........YOU NEED VERY GOOD COUNSELING AND ALSO YOU AND
YOUR MAN NEED HEAVY COUNSELING AND HE NEEDS ALSO SEPARATE COUNSELING. THIS IS A ROUGH
AREA TO GET UNDER CONTROL BUT IT CAN BE DONE. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND BEST WISHES FOR
SUCCESS IN THE JOURNEY OUT OF THE DARK.

SINCERELY,

PANDA