[olympian86]

Hello all

I have been very busy as I am away traveling again. I tried to get back to you all sooner but my entry did not post. I took my medicine (paxil for PE and levitra for somatic ED) and used two condoms (durex with lidocaine & Trojan condom (blue pack), and desensitizing spray. I asked my wife would she like to have sex. I did receive some resistance. I decided to remain silent. She then thought about it and said, “okay, lets see”. And the rest is history as the saying goes. My goal is/was to just become confident again at being able to maintain an erection and not orgasm to early. I consider myself healed with God’s help and the medical profession. I will stay on the meds until my wife feels more comfortable with me and her self-esteem comes back. As both our confidences come back I will just used the double condoms and the spray.

I thought the shock value of a request would work better then asking sometime during the day. I was not willing to do this as I have done it before and received a “don’t go there” response. Rejection is painful.

So in short there is help, one has to seek it aggressively. Another point is also being immediate in your actions to solve your issues men. If you have a spouse that is willing to assist you in finding a cure medically, therapy at home in the sack, be appreciative and follow her lead. If anyone has any questions please contact me.

Now enough about me. LearningaboutT, what is going on with your situation? Thank you for helping me through mines. Ohh, and now that I think about it men get an exam. If you notice that you wake up in the middle of the night with a sensation that you have to have a BM, you go nothing comes out, but you feel better after bearing down? This could be a sign of Benign Prostate Hypertrophy. As well as another symptom of your urine stream not being full. I have had this treated as well and I don’t have the sensation to go as much. This was happening at the wrong times and getting in the way of erections also.

I was having problems navigating through the site so here is my response to being bewilldered and the outcome. LearningabooutT and others please respond.

O86

Hopefully I will be able to figure out the steps to respond should you reply.

[learningaboutT]

Hi again Olympian86, sorry it has been so long since I have replied - I have recently changed jobs, so my life has been a little more hectic the past few months and I haven't been on here in quite a while.

Rather than re-type my story from the Testosterone Deficiency board, I will cut and paste my reply to another post, as follows:

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Wow, FELIX. Your story is truly heartbreaking. I know only the tip of the iceberg in this area of marriage, it seems. Before I give my latest update, I just wanted to let you know that I do understand a lot of where you are coming from. Last night my husband kept pawing at me, and finally I told him to please stop going straight for the vagina first thing. So then he goes straight for the boobs.

Every woman reading this will know what I am talking about, but for the men, let me briefly explain. A woman longs to be wanted, desired, admired, appreciated, wooed, romanced, and caressed BEFORE she can have any sexual desire for her husband. My husband's clumsy advances were not creating desire within me.

Several times I kept trying to persuade him, let's kiss first, let's hold each other first, let's be romantic... my words fell on deaf ears. He thought I was saying I didn't want to have sex. I did! I just wanted to ENJOY the BUILDUP with him before it was all over with and we're both reaching for a towel!

So then we wound up kissing for a little bit, then he got tired and decided to sleep instead. Okay, I tried not too feel too rejected, and just figured we'd do it in the next day or two.

So this morning I wake up to him pawing at me and hopping on top of me. This is at 6:00 in the morning, we'd gone to bed after 1:00, and I was in a pretty good sleep. So of course, my body was not responding well, and it was, for the first time since we've been married, PAINFUL. Now I love my husband very much, and so I figured he'd start to be more tender with me any minute now, until I got turned on and ready, as he usually does, so I went along with it. I have never refused him sex when he wanted it, and I had no intention of starting today. At first it just was waaaaay too dry, I wasn't ready, I wasn't relaxed and prepared, and I tried to tell him it physically HURT me. After a while (I lay there grimacing, trying not to let my face show how much it hurt...) he realizes that I was too dry to continue (this was with NO FOREPLAY AT ALL.... hello!!!!) and finally, mercifully, stopped.

ALL that to say, men and women have got to find a better way to communicate sexual desires than grabbing, groping, and getting underway without thought of what the other person is feeling....

And FELIX, I cannot blame you for how you felt with your husband. Being ignored, feeling uncared for, and then suddenly expected to perform sexually on a husband's whim, is NOT any woman's wish. And then for him to roll over and go to sleep like it made no difference, that is adding insult to injury. In other words, tearing up your heart and your loving feelings for him. I totally understand that part.

Okay. So, now for my SIX MONTH update. I never thought we'd get this far, but hallelujiah (however you spell it), we have been through six months of Testosterone replacement, and we are both (somehow) still alive, and still married, and still trying to keep up a lively and mutually satisfying sex life (this morning/last night's awful escapade notwithstanding).

This week we had sex five, yes, FIVE times. Sunday night, Tuesday morning, Wednesday night, Thursday morning, and Saturday morning. I honestly think that is the most we have ever had sex. And, except for this morning (which is now officially the worst sex we have ever had....), each and every time brought us both pleasure, in a reasonable amount of time, with a normal amount of stimulation, with a normal erection, and no loss of erection at all.

(Six months ago we were having sex once or twice a week, if he could maintain the erection, which he never got spontaneously, only with repetitive rubbing. Oh and he would blame it on me every time he lost an erection. I wasn't moving right, I didn't rub him right, etc. etc.)

So, I think we have gotten pretty much to success! The major factor in my mind: we switched to injections last month. I think the original Testim gel was far more effective than the Androderm patches. Both had their drawbacks also. He gets an injection once a month (I am afraid of what happens closer to the end of the month... but if 3 weeks out of 4 are this good, I will TAKE it!!!) He had some soreness the first few days after the shot (in the buttocks) but otherwise no side effects we have seen.

He has lots of spontaneous erections, maintains them, and sex is much better. Five times a week this week, plenty of weeks recently with 3 and 4 times a week - so we are definitely having sex more often. Four or five times a week is a lot closer to my preference, so finally we are getting well matched. (Once a week wasn't cutting it for me!!!!!)

His moods, attitudes, anxiety levels, pain levels, etc., are ALL significantly improved now that he is on the injection. I don't care what we have to do to continue the injections, but I am adamant that we continue THIS form of Testosterone therapy for however long (lifelong?) it takes!!!

So if you are on the Testosterone patch, my advice to you is, GET INJECTIONS instead. Instead of the $300-400 a month cost for the patch or the gel, the shot is $70-80 a piece (that is before any insurance kick in) and is a lot less hassle for your body. The Testosterone gets into your body very effectively and I am convinced is far more effective overall than either the patch or the gel. I would never want to go back to either of those. The injection is a GODSEND.

I don't know for sure, but I also suspect that he is ejaculating far more semen now than before. I never measured it, but I am almost sure there is more now than before.

Okay I can't think of anything else on the subject. I will say that sex doesn't make our marriage perfect and we do still have some arguments and things, but the quality and the quantity of sex do make it more likely that we will make up quicker. :-) Food for thought!!!

Best wishes to you all in your search for the right treatment for you. ~LearningaboutT

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Olympian, don't give up! I suspect strongly that deep down your wife wants the same things you want, but she is afraid to talk to you about it. Do keep us updated on your success.