Erectile Dysfunction

[dex13]

I have pursued a certain young lady for a very long time. We have been friends for 12 years. I became interested in her four years ago but she was in a bad relationship. She finally left the loser and I got my chance to blow her mind. AND I FAILED. I am very attracted to her. I practically worship her. i think I may be suffering from performance anxiety I am 42 and she is 31. We have made out but I couldn't maintain my erection. Naturally I was embarassed and devastated. She said it was OK but it really bummed me out. I am healthy as far as I know. I have made a doctor's appointment to investigate my problem. But I'm scared that there's something wrong with me or that I will lose her interest if I don't shape up quickly. I have been a smoker for 23 years. I am trying to quit. I haven't had a smoke in over 48 hours. I am on my way!!! I AM AN EX-SMOKER! I am curious about what you people think may be my problem. I think I will certainly request a trial of Viagra or Levitra, etc. I think Trazadone may help but I really don't know. I've never experienced this problem before. I think a lot of my problem is that I just want to be the best lover she has ever had and it's causing undo stress on me and affecting my performance.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK???? PLEASE HELP!!!!

[learningaboutT]

It sounds like you are very anxious, maybe the anxiety is making things difficult. Why is it so important that this woman declare you to be the best lover she has ever had? Maybe it would help to answer that question.

Before you consider taking medications, do talk to your doctor. That is a big step, and if there is a medical problem, you can get help!

The other thing is, you might want to explore whether this will or won't turn into a long term relationship. I suspect that you fear she will not want to stay with you if the sex isn't absolutely amazing. If the fear of losing her is causing anxiety, it might help to be reassured of where you stand relationship wise by talking with her.

[dex13]

You are absolutely correct. Usually I am very confident but for some reason with this woman I don't seem to be my usual self. Maybe it'd because of our age difference. She has told me that she has never been with "an older guy."

I know I need to relax. That is what my doctor said. He said it was temporary. It would pass. I suppose I don't have to be the greatest lover she has ever had. It's foolish of me to think that I do, but I really do like her an awful lot. And I want to her to feel totally fulfilled so that it will be a long term thing. We have been friends for a long time and all our relationship is missing is great Sex! So Yes I think I have been stupid and put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself.

Thank you for your reply.

[Flavio]

Freaking out never helps. Anxiety is most likely the cause of your problem, so just try to relax and don't think about it too much. I have tried trazodone, it is effective but it is not the best anxiety/ED drug available.

In cases of sexual performance anxiety, I always recommend a drug called phentolamine (brand names Vasomax, Vigamed). Phentolamine is an alpha blocker, a drug that inhibits the effects of stress hormones. It is safe and very effective. Unfortunately, it is not available in the USA but you can order it (without a prescription) on the Internet: try a website called vasomaxclinic or another one called propecia-proscar.

Even if your problem is purely psychological, go see a doctor. And try to read as much as you can about this subject, it's always helpful to be informed.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Flavio]

«I know I need to relax. That is what my doctor said.»

Ah ok, so you have been to the doctor already, that's great.

Anyway, do try oral phentolamine (Vigamed). I used to suffer from sexual performance anxiety and Vigamed helped me quite a lot, I'm sure you'll find it helpful too.