[desperate4help]

pls help if you can...i am the girlfriend of a wonderful man whom i love very much. trouble is we are being torn apart by ED. We have not had intercourse in at least 1 yr. He won't touch me, nor does he show any interest in being intimate with me. Most of the time when I have tried to initiate, he recoils from me--so as a result I have not done that too often, because I can't handle the rejection.
We used to take Cialis for us to have intercourse but he stopped...I don't know know why because he will not discuss the issue with me. AT ALL. Everytime I ask for us to try something, (pills, erotica, counseling, etc.) he clams up and gets absolutely furious, and mean. He will literally get up from the table and leave, or hang up on me if we are talking on the phone. He refuses to talk with me on this issue and it is tearing us apart. I feel so rejected, and I don't know what to do to help him I KNOW he feels alone and is depressed about it, but he will not open up to me.
I NEED love and some sort of intimacy in my life...how can I get him to understand that I also have needs that need to be met, and that I don't want to criticize. I want to help!
Why won't he let me 'in' to help US? It is making me so depressed I don't know what to do anymore.
We are drowning, and sometimes I just want to die...!!!
HELP!!

[rondantz]

Have you ever thought that your boyfriend "could" be gay? Think it over...

[concernedgirl08]

Noo dont say that. thats really mean.

read this post

http://forum.urologychannel.com/hc-forum/erectile-dysfunction_peer-to-peer_f271/i-got-my-man-an-oq-ring-and-i_t47596.html

[noup]

I realize that this may be hard for you to understand, but your boyfriend is going through what is known as the "ANGER" stage of ED right now. He`s angry at you, at people close to him, But mostly at himself. It`s very frustrating for you, but this stage will soon pass, and he will enter into a stage of "ACCEPTANCE". He will be more willing to look at your offers to help then, so your relationship will greatly improve. Meanwhile, you must let him work through this phase, but keep a watchful eye on his emotional state. The best help you can be right now is to stay close to him, and try to keep his mind occupied on anything but sex. Do not initiate, or even bring it into a conversation. I really do understand your own sexual needs, but if you really love him, then try to resort to self masturbation until he reaches the end of this stage. It won`t take too long, and things will be much easier for you then. It seems as though you are already aware of what meds and crutches to try, so I`m pretty confident that you will be OK before too long.

Good Luck to you both.

[So So Sad]

Hey there,
I feel your pain....or at least I feel I will be in your shoes sooner then later. I wish I had some great advise to give but I don't. All I can suggest is looking into that OQ ring (you can google it). Either keep trying to improve the situation or get out. We women do have needs and if he's not at all willing to work with you on this issue then your needs may never be meant. Just a thought. Good luck to you.

[RANDO88]

Has he had his tesosterone level checked? I think that this could bring him benefits in his mood,depression,and zest for life if his testosterone numbers are low. It just takes a simple blood screen.

[learningaboutT]

I totally understand what you are saying.

I agree with the person who suggested he may be experiencing low testosterone. Also, he may indeed be stuck in some kind of anger stage as he is aging and his body is changing.

Bottom line: you can't MAKE him do anything. All you can do is choose what YOUR response will be. Do you choose to continue in a relationship where he will not be open and honest and communicative with you? If you choose that, then you must accept him as he is.

If you do NOT accept and do NOT want to remain in a relationship where there is no communication about this and no intimacy, and you do NOT want to continue feeling constantly rejection.... then you MUST tell him that. Here is why:

1. If he does not realize the SERIOUSNESS with which you take this aspect of your relationship, he will do NOTHING to change it.

2. If you do not get your feelings aired and find out what he is angry at/afraid of, you will continue burying your feelings so that you are walking around like an emotional water balloon ready to pop at any moment.

3. Are you a person with feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, and a desire for love? OR, are you some angry, sexless man's emotional punching bag????

I realize that at first this sounds extremely harsh, but, I have been down this road, and the longer you put up with mistreatment, the worse it becomes, and the angrier YOU are getting, down deep on the inside because you know you do not deserve to be rejected all the time like this. So you are getting ANGRY every time something happens, and he is walking around content, with NO REASON to change.

UNLESS you talk to him in all seriousness about what you want and expect in a relationship with him.

I am still struggling with my husband. He has been treating for Testosterone replacement therapy for over six months; he is long overdue for another T shot, and the longer he goes without, the meaner and angrier and nastier he becomes, and the less and less sex we have.... so when I say these things, I hope you will take it from the heart of one woman's pain to another. If I had known how difficult this road would be, I really don't think I would have married him at all. He is mean and cruel and the rejection is horrible.