Female Sexual Dysfunction

[octavia1980]

I have no sex drive whatsoever and haven't for three years, although it was in rapid decline before that. I'm 30 and have endometriosis and have had 4 laparoscopies since the age of 21, which have completely and utterly failed. I bleed very heavily almost every day of the year and am in pain all the time regardless. This is despite taking the pill continouously. Medical help is no longer an option because my gynaecologist refuses to provide any treatment other than laparoscopy on the grounds of preserving my fertility (his decision), but above all, my sex drive. My partner is very upset about my lack of sex drive, and is particularly upset that I never initiate. The thing is, my loss of libido does not worry me a bit. I always regarded it as a liability and am rather glad to be rid of it. It seems that everybody cares about my libido except me.

I am very worried about losing my marriage because of this. Due to the endometriosis I am unable to work in any conventional sense but make enough money working from home. I've lost all my friends because after years of having to turn down invitations on the grounds of being too sick, I've stopped getting invited.

I don't want my sex drive back, and frankly it's not realistic to expect to get it back. But I do recognise the need to save my marriage. What do I do?

[R.D.]

NO SEX DRIVE & MARRIED TO A RED-BLOODED HETEROSEXUAL MALE? BIG PROBLEM!!


Number 1, see a different OB/GYN.
I knew in my early 20s that I didn't want to father any children, but no doctor would touch me for a vasectomy due the THEIR concerns about liability if I changed my mind after having the procedure done. They said I could potentially sue them to pay for a reversal, and the reversals aren't always successful. If the reversal was unsuccessful, there would be potential for another lawsuit. Like an idiot, I failed to follow my own convictions.

I got married at 22, fathered children when I was 24 and 26, respectively, and finally was able to get a vascetomy about 6 months after the second child was born. The doctor's office had my wife sign the consent paperwork along with me, because by law, she had a voice as to whether or not I could decide to father more children. Without both of us signing the consent form, they wouldn't operate, because SHE had just as much right to sue them if she didn't like the outcome.

Fast forward 26 years later, and I'm STILL sure I didn't and don't want children (I'm anonymous here, so I can freely admit that I never changed my mind about not wanting children even after the first pregnancy).

Do I regret having children when I really didn't want to in the first place? HELL, YES!!!

Do I love my children even though I didn't want any in the first place? Of course I do, how ELSE can I answer?





Number 2, you didn't mention if your husband wants children or not.
Either way, I'm sure he wants sex. Know this, most men will have sex, one way or another. YOUR choice is whether or not it will be WITH you or WITHOUT you. Don't even consider this open-marrige business. The minute he starts seeing someone elsle, your female mentality will kick in; "he's not going to have sex, whether it's with me or with anyone else".







Number 3, be fair to him.
If there is no sex and there are no plans for children, then what is the basis of the marriage? I'm not saying that sex or children HAVE to be the basis for anyone's marriage, but you have to evaluate why you want to keep yours together. If it's safety and security (let's be truthful, that's what it is for MANY women), then decide it he's getting an equitable part of the equation. Why do you want to save the marriage, for you or for him? What does HE get out of being married to you? The answers are worlds different for men than they are for women.




Number 4, put yourself in his shoes: would YOU want to come home to YOU every day?