Premature Ejaculation

[livingwith]

Monday, May 11, 2009.
I’m a 46-year-old black American male, and I suffer from premature ejacution, as it is defined by clinical research. I’ve already made an appointment with my doctor, a general practioner who advertises in her office that she offers assistance in areas of sexuality. I’ve been reading as much as I can prior to seeing the doctor so that I’ll be as prepared as possible.
I wouldn’t even be writing this if it hadn’t been for my discovery of t...Read the full article

[mikeh90]

livingwith, hey your story sounds a lot like mine. I have suffered from PE since I can remember. I can masturbate to no end but add someone else in the mix and its over before it begins. I am 44 yrs old and have only had 4 woman as sexual partners. I have even tried it with a couple of guys.

My first wife didn't want anything to do with it, it was MY problem it got to be where we just didn't bother with sex as I got tired of the excuses and rejection. I got divorced in 2000 and met my current wife and got remarried in 2005. At first the sex was great and I was able to last longer than normal. But as the years have gone on her libido has dropped and she isn't into sex as much as she used to be. She is also 44. I want it almost all the time and she can live with once or twice a month. Since we've slowed down I've noticed the PE is getting bad again. She has never said anything and when I cum to early and apologize she says its ok. I think that she is like your wife and the quicker its over the better. I hate it. If I'm only going to get it once or twice a month I want it to last as long as it can, you know what I mean?

Frustrating as hell!

What did your doctor say? If I know I'm going to get some, I use a topical spray to numb myself and that helps a great deal but it is a pain to plan it all out.

[R.D.]

mikeh90,

Here's an update on my post and a reply to yours. I've since had my visit with the general practitioner, and my health is tip-top. That's the good news. I discussed with her the premature ejaculation problem, and asked if I would have to see a urologist. As they say in the commercials, I also asked her about Viagra and Cialis, and I even took printouts from their websites that they suggest be shown to one's doctor, and I was glad that she was receptive to the self-research and preparation I had done.

The doctor said she herself could prescribe the medication, and asked me which of the two I preferred, Viagra or Cialis. That caught me by surprise, because I went into the visit thinking that she would be the one to tell me which one would be better. She admitted that it's not her area of expertise, and that since I had read up on it, the choice was up to me. That's where my preparation really came in handy, because I was able to select Cialis as the better of the two for my particular situation. One of the factors that lead to Cialis was its 36-hour option.

The doctor was ready to write out a prescription fro the Cialis, but prior to doing so, she wanted to check out my heart. She had an EKG performed on me, and that's where the "bad" news came out. My heart rate was 50 beats per minute, which caused the doctor immediate concern. The heart rate depends on numerous factors, such as age, lifestyle, health condition, diet, exercise, weight, genetics, family history, etc, etc. The average adult resting heart rate is between 60-100 beats per minute, so the doctor refrained from writing the Cialis prescription until she knew more. I explained that I was an avid runner, and I knew that to be the reason for the lower-than-average heart rate. In fact, the appointment was on a Tuesday, and the previous Saturday and Sunday, I had run an hour and 20 minutes each day, in stints of 8 miles. Once again, the doctor wanted to err on the side of caution, and referred me to a heart specialist. As I write this, I have not yet had that appointment, so I'll have to do another update as soon as it's done.

Overall, my report is that I have a very positive outlook on having taken the first steps in reclaiming my sexuality. The heart-rate thing is a minor bump in the road, when looking at the whole picture. I'd much rather eliminate all possible obstacles in order to arrive at a final solution, so I'm not discouraged by what happened.

One more thing, my wife and I share the same general practitioner. Five years ago, my job got a new health insurance provider, and when I looked over the choice of physicians, I purposefully selected this particular doctor as someone with whom my wife would be more comfortable (the two of them have the same racial/ethnic background, among other reasons). My wife had her own physical the same week, and prior to either appointment, I let my wife know that I would be discussing premature ejaculation.

By the time I write again, I should have some very positive news from the medical/scientific standpoint.


As for your post, I'll start from the end and work backwards. The topical spray seems like a royal pain, as you said. I can't even imagine that option, especially since my wife won't even CONSIDER the use of lubricants to alieve her "dryness" problem. Not that I'd want to use topical sprays or ointments myself; I've read that they're messy, some have odors, and they numb the woman's sensitivity also, which seems to defeat the purpose. If all that's true, it's not worth the trouble, in my own opinion.

Making love with one's wife only once or twice a month? Mike, you and I are in the exact same club! I'll bet our wives are sisters, what do you think? I had a conversation with my wife just days ago where she admitted, and not for the first time, that she'd be perfectly satisified if our sex-life stayed the same as it is right now. Furthermore, she said she can go even longer than a month or two without it, and it wouldn't bother her a bit. Before anyone reads this as being a result of MY poor performance in bed, please reread my original post; I'm not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg. It's always been my belief that with 'more practice', things will improve. However, I can't and won't FORCE my wife to make love, and even if did, that's not what I want. Lovemaking is a mutual activity, and it's supposed to be mutually satifying.

Mike, do what I did. Go to your doctor and lay it all out on the line, ask for options, and follow the treatment or advice that you get. You and I are in our mid- and late 40s, and there's no sense in not enjoying our sex lives the way we should be.

Next, if any women are reading this, whether or not your man has this problem, here are the words of a man who suffers from it:
Please consider the importance a man places in each and every time he makes love with you. As men, we WANT you to enjoy it, because that's what makes US enjoy it. We KNOW you're frustrated and/or unsatisfied when we don't last very long, and rather than ignore it or avoid it, there are men like me who want to reverse the problem. Talk with your man. Not accusatorliy, not with scorn or ridicule, but from a caring and helful standpoint. He may be so ashamed that he himself won't bring it up (you know how we men are), but he may be receptive if you initiate the conversation.
Next, consider your approach to him, or your reactions to his approaches to you. If you never, or hardly ever initiate intimacy, he knows it. If you always, or almost always reject his advances, he knows it. If there's something he does that you want him to stop doing, say so. If there's something he's not doing that you want him to start doing, say so. My wife tells me very plainly that she thinks there's something wrong with me for wanting to make love so often. Imagine how that sounds to ME. I tell my wife very plainly that after 20+ years with her, I now know every excuse she has for not wanting to make love, and that they all boil down to just that: excuses.

Well, that's enough for right now; I'll sit back and see how this post is received, and I look forward to any and all feedpback, whether positive, negative or neutral. Every bit helps.


RD

[R.D.]

I've received the diagnosis from the heart specialist; I may have a condition known as hypogonadism. I have to get a blood test that specifically looks at my testosterone levels, and it's possible that testosterone therapy may be a more viable treatment for me than Cialis/Viagra/Levitra, etc.

[wifeofPE]

My husband fits into this group - ejaculating immediately following penetration every time. I read some of the posts that have been put on this site and have noticed the same comments repeatedly and I wanted to share some thoughts. Although I cannot speak for other women, I can let you in on an inside view from a woman's point of view. I would love to know what I could do to prolong intercourse. However, in my mind, I believe that if I even suggest for a second that I am not satisfied with the current situation, I would make things much, much worse, so I maintain that it's "ok" and pretend to be satisfied. We often have sex only 2-3 times per month and I'm certain that my husband thinks I'm happy with that. I'm not. But the quick sex we have almost seems not worth it - the pleasure is so short-lived that it makes it boring and once the ejaculate is put into me, it seeps out all night and throughout the next day. This is a "side-effect" that most men don't know about, but makes things somewhat uncomfortable for us afterwards. So having sex for 2-3 minutes, faking an orgasm and then dripping for 24 hours after loses its appeal pretty quick. So perhaps, when the wives mentionned in these posts seem disinterested, it's more the lack of joy derived from the length of the act, and not the lack of sexual appetite. It takes us much longer to get in that "zone".

Now that I have written that part, I will tell you what helped us tremendously. My husband makes it his priority to get me to orgasm first - before he penetrates -his attention to me and my satisfaction makes it wonderful, even if I don't "get there" every time. He will do everything from whispering me fantasy stories in my ear while he pleasures me and performs oral sex until I'm done. Then when he penetrates, I'm still enjoying the feeling and I'm happy. We also experiment with massage - kind of the "stop and go" method of control. Simply having the woman gently massage the man and diverting to other areas when the intensity gets too much. PS: this technique works nicely on women too.

Not sure if this is helpful, everyone is different - but I felt compelled to write this.
Good luck

[KevinAn]

Hi there. Kevin here. I was suffering from premature mature ejaculation and did a lot of research online. Pills and creams are not advised to use. They are causing a lot of problems.Some cause skin irritation, some cause so much numbness to the penis that you can't even feel aroused, some potions have off-putting smells and others just simply don't work.

There are other ways to solve your problem.

I found a free blog by Randy. I advice you to check it at
http://premature-ejaculation-exercise.blogspot.com/

I solved my problem with this blog! :)

He is also running a Facebook Group that you can discuss your issues.

Have a nice day
Kevin